Sandra & Millie
Sandra and Millie are an LGBT couple fostering with Five Rivers Fostering since 2021.
What inspired you to become a foster carer?
The idea of providing a young person with a loving home and opening up our life to another individual that needed help and support were factors that we thought about. For them to experience a positive experience of a loving and nurturing home. Working in a school I would have seen kids from neglected backgrounds and being able to help was great, but I needed something more, taking a young person into your home and life by fostering offered that to me. My partner working as a nurse would have come across similar issues.
What fears or concerns did you have before embarking on becoming a foster carer?
I thought I was not able to foster as I worked full time. This is something I had inquired about years ago and was told it was not possible, so I was surprised and delighted to hear that it was actually possible by Five Rivers. Our other concerns were in relation to being LGBT in relation to attitudes of others but again any concerns were unfounded. As we discovered there are lots of LGBT foster carers and even knowing that put our minds at ease.
We worried that we might not have the skills to care for a young person with complex emotional needs as a result of their life experience, again the support from the Five Rivers team was excellent and reassured us that we were able to do this as they were on hand at every turn.
How long did you think about it before taking the first step?
We had initially thought about it many years ago but were told it was not possible. We started to think about it again in 2019, it just seemed like the timing was right for both of us. In hindsight we wished we would have started the journey sooner.
Are there challenges you have faced as foster carer that you have learnt from?
Managing stress can be challenging when leading a busy life and looking after a young person but it is essential to take time out and reconnect by going for walks, swims or reading a book to recharge the batteries. Speaking with our link worker has also helped provide support during stressful times.
What has fostering brought to your family?
Fostering for us has been an incredible rollercoaster experience which has been transformative. It has taught me about the importance of love, support, care, understanding and that family doesn’t always mean biological connections. It is more about providing unconditional love and support through life’s ups and downs and never giving up. We have had a very positive experience of fostering. It has been a privilege to provide our foster child with a safe and supportive home and watch her blossom and grow into a mature, independent, caring young lady. We have been blessed to have her in our lives. She is an amazing young person.
Has fostering changed your outlook on life or you as a person?
For us fostering was a journey that began in 2020. We never imagined the light and joy that was waiting for us in the form of our foster child. She has given us so much love, fun and laughter and she has made us into better humans. I am so privileged to have had this experience, and it has made me more empathetic, resilient, self-aware and a better person. It has changed and shaped us in unexpected ways, and it is a journey that has impacted every aspect of my life. A transformative journey filled with laughs, fears and everything in between. I wouldn’t change the experience for the world and am so glad that we took the plunge back in 2020. Yes, we have a few more grey hairs but we also have made a lifetime of memories from a beautiful person, watching her grow has been one of the best experiences of my life.
What supports have helped you on your fostering journey? Have you felt supported by Five Rivers?
Our main supports have been each other, talking and discussing certain issues has really helped. Other supports have been our families and friends and the support from Five Rivers have been excellent, they are always there when needed. Other support has been our social worker and specialist professionals like her counsellor, occupational therapist and educational psychologist.
What advice would you give to someone considering becoming a foster carer?
To be honest fostering involves a huge leap of faith and if you were to think too much about the potential problems you wouldn’t do it! Our advice would be to just go for it, trust the process, there is great support from five rivers and embrace it. No two days are the same and you are always learning. It can be challenging and there will be times you will question yourself but what I would say is that the benefits far outweigh the negatives and if you have tons of patience and a good supportive team around you then just go for it, the rewards are huge and to think that you are in some way shaping a young person’s life and showing them love, trust and support can only be a great thing!
